#straight up serving looks
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are you enjoying a patch of sunlight on a fuzzy carpet worm king
im having a REALLY hard time resisting it, i need to get ready for work 😭
#ask#i went and IRONED my skirt. im goin all in#last week george hit me with the 'youre dressed so plain today......so uninteresting..i mean of course you look good#im just used to you dressing more flashy you know'#its his bday party today my mans straight up got a dress code thats 'anything but plain normie outfit' and while idk if it extends to us#ppl who work there and will be serving them. its IMPORTANT that i look awesome#its also just the weekend i like lookin fun at work when stuffs expected to happen
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Whoops hand slipped here’s some TADC character fanart. Apologies for the severe lack of Pomni in this one idk where she went off to…maybe she got lost on her way to find the exit. The lines are incredibly choppy & rushed, I know, but it was still fun art practice! I don’t draw these guys nearly enough anyways so this is a nice change of pace. Support indie animation :3
#you wanna know a secret? don’t like how I draw Ragatha I wish I could do her better 😔#like I don’t know if I make her hair straight or if it’s kinda wavy?? and her eye too idk how to draw it in a satisfying way :((#but that’s a normal dilemma when I’m trying to blend my artstyle with the shows artstyle#keeping the characters on model/recognizable and consistent but also my own style ya know?#making those adjustments takes time and usually I need to draw a character 7+ times before it looks good#JAX ON THE OTHER HAND—OH BOY GOODIE HE IS SO COMICALLY EASY TO DRAW HALLELUJAH LOL#I think the Puzzle toothy grin & toon eyes just automatically agree with me#then Kinger I also struggle with personally#Gangle’s mask shape is confusing at first but then you adjust fairly quickly#Caine is neutral party to me��I know how his design is but I’m not confident without reference material#and then the artstyle translation is another hurdle to juggle <<#his top hat especially like HOW U DRAW 😭 I can manage Puzzles bowler hat just fine but NOT top hats man#Zooble is lovely Zooble peace and love they did nothing wrong just pleasant to draw uwu#Jax & Zooble conflict oh noooo the bitches are fighting /j#Actually this initially started only with Caine & Zooble but I just kept adding others lol#Ragatha & Kinger we’re the very last additions#hplonesome art#tadc characters#the amazing digital circus characters#NOT GONNA PUT ANYMORE TAGS BECAUSE THEN IT’LL GET SWEPT UP AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME I DRAW THEM ALL THE TIME 🥲#I can’t be held liable for serving TADC fanart content because that isn’t me right now sorry
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I keep seeing stuff about the 'Sebastian wedding ring' but TBH, its placement just makes me think it's a cool pinky ring he found
#roblox pressure#sebastian solace#i ain't gonna go into detail of my thoughts about the whole drama#but tldr: both of the game's figure heads acted very poorly and should not have been as involved in the fandom as they were#and the people sending death threats only serve to make genuine criticism look like harrasment#i wanted to play this game but now it's kinda covered in the ooze so i'll wait a bit#but anyway - if that is meant to be a straight up wedding ring then it should have been placed on the third finger not the fourth#since that better communicates that's what it's supposed to represent on a 4 fingered hand
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I hate to come back to this shit again but I do wanna add it: back when I used to be on stan twitter publicly announcing that people are doxxing you or sending you death threats was a very common way to distract people from your wrongdoings and steer the conversation somewhere else, I’ve seen this time and time again and I’m begging y’all to stop falling for it, don’t even acknowledge it because it has nothing to do with the issue at hand
#fae.txt#the worst part is the majority of the time these mfs were just straight up lying and bitches STILL FELL FOR IT#IT IS SO FUCKING MANIPULATIVE AND IM SO TIRED OF SEEING IT#even if your addressing of it is just ‘doxxing is bad but—‘ NO#don’t even give him the satisfaction of addressing it#because doing so only serves to make him look more sympathetic when he’s so clearly in the wrong and he fucking knows it#it’s also just#so weird to see this grown ass man#taking fucking talking points from STAN TWITTER#has anyone else noticed that?#has anyone else seen that all of his excuses now are literally ones he got from stan twitter?#anyway. fucking. whatever#im gonna stop talking abt this for now#discourse
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#got#this is about tommen but could apply to both of them here tbh. cersei's outfits arent that bad tho theyre just kinda. bland#esp s4-6 where she only wears black. s7-8 are straight up atrocious tho. specifically *that one* you know the one#what is wrong with him why is he always in brown-grey. at his own wedding too girl are you allergic to serving. wear black at least#you cant really see it here but i swear the texture on this fabric looks like a hairshirt#ig it would make sense if he started dressing like that after the whole crusty pope thing but no this is his default state#do you think he was like 'i swear i'll never be like my evil brother 😤' and that included the drip#also what's with that like. black turtleneck he's always wearing. i swear he has it in every scene#when you're holding court at 7 but have to present the new iphone at 8
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ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.
[This is in reference to this post]
YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
It is so so frustrating!!!!
It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,
"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"
And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.
And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!
#original#queerbaiting#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi marcille#listen i like marcille but u r right she is basically there to be a wet blanket a LOT of the time and that is a sexist trope#i think the bar is super super low for female characters in adventure anime and the lack of constant ogling maybe makes the female#characters feel better written than they are. i mean falin basically has no personality. she's got an innocent heart but that's nothing.#and i think these conversations are worth having bc no piece of media is perfect and this is how we learn to do better#also like. I've seen media criticisms that make me go 'oh you straight up should reserve commentary bc you#haven't watched the show and you're wrong' or 'i see what you're saying but you are simply incorrect' but like#i don't think I'd tell someone to just NOT watch Hazbin Hotel bc they have a bad take - and certainly not bc they have accurately#pinpointed a real flaw about the show (of which there are more than a few but frankly not what became the biggest subject of Disc Horse)#Angel is actually an amazing character & i think people mistook a criticism on the way abuse is glamourized as actually glamourizing abuse#like his song about abuse is called Poison and he's trapped in an abusive performance contract - bringing to mind Britney Spears#i think it is a wildly triggering and painful scene but i think a lot of people took the pain it gave them to mean it was bad art#but tbh they are still allowed to eat at the table if they so choose!!!#sorry i got sidetracked - as an abuse survivor Angel just matters a lot to me. i have a couple serious criticisms of vivziepop's work but#Angel is very much not one of them#also in regards to the actual subject of this post i think the most audacity of the responses i got was the one that said#that by complaining about queerbaiting I was 'de-incentivizing writers to write any interaction b/t women that could look even a little gay#and I'm just like. good. I hope they stop writing entirely. if the takeaway from 'please don't sell me bread and then serve me crumbs' is#'WELL NOW I JUST WON'T BAKE ANY BREAD PRODUCT' then that person is a bad chef. they should find a different job.#or at least do a whole lot of work on themselves. but either way i wouldn't be too broken up to know i won't be getting any food from them.#'just leave then' is so obviously a gut reaction defense mechanism & it implies media criticism should only be for things you don't like
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They finally, finally, have our Alices up and running on the page!
Riddle me this one.
#Anika is straight up serving Nancy Wheeler with the brown hair and blue eyes. Faith is giving Holly Wheeler re: features.#even though she's got brown eyes instead of blue#Imogen is the one who actually looks like Livi Birch 💀😭#stranger things: the first shadow#st casting
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Doodledex - #503-A Hisuian Samurott
Oshawott wound up being the Water-type starter for Legends: Arceus, and this is a choice that definitely makes a lot of sense! Despite being the starter of a region based on New York City (and the surrounding area), Samurott is pretty darn Japanese... I mean, "samurai" is literally in its English name! (Of course, this was done on purpose as part of Gen 5's starter theming showing off the diversity of the region, but still.)
Of course, there's no good way to make a Hisuian Samurott more historically Japanese as a result... so it winds up living up more to its Japanese name (Daikenki, which is either "great sword demon" or "great devilish swordsman" depending on how you read it) and has the Dark type added to it! This means that Samurott from Hisui are a lot less bound to honor than Unovan ones, and will often resort to dirty tricks and surprise attacks to win battles! (And this isn't exactly fun to be on the receiving end of... a Hisuian Samurott's attacks are compared to the ceaseless crashing of waves!)
#pokemon#doodledex#samurott#hisuian samurott#since hisuian samurott is supposed to be a more despicable samurott#it's pretty likely these guys are supposed to be ronin: samurai without a master to serve#(there's supposed to be a mark over that o btw. i have no idea how to do that on my computer)#ronin were looked down upon because apparently if you were a samurai and your master died you were supposed to commit seppuku#and if you didn't do that (probably for the understandable reason of NOT WANTING TO DIE) you broke the code and were pretty much an outcast#samurai also apparently weren't allowed to change jobs so ronin had to find something to do with their swords...#this lead to them either becoming mercenaries trying to find some other guy to serve... or just straight-up becoming criminals#in fact the ones who became criminals... didn't exactly help the reputation of ronin at all#...hence hisuian samurott's dark-typing and cruel nature
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feeling EMPTY after ep 6
#tim looked so good.#the music was very good#lucy was serving i must say …#frankie looked so good too and yay marcus#it was just unfulfilling for hawk and tim😐#FREE TIM.#MY BOY CANT GO TO PRISON?#he’s gonna come out of prison in the 70s with a mustache and go straight to doing poppers oh lord#fellow travelers#shut up alex
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Oh Lore?
Just read all the descriptions of the minion cards in Wishing Night, and it really does recontextualize the whole story. I'm still trying to make it all slot it in my brain. Spoilers abound ahead.
The most shocking revelation is that the Queen's husband is Midas. I somehow like...that never seemed like a possibility. I thought that Midas was some immortal being all sad and alone, rotting in his castle as the magic twisted him. But it turns out he was just, a guy, who's been a donkey all these years. Even after he left the count's castle where he was banished to.
For a world that's so fearful of anything magical, I do wonder how they accepted their donkey headed king to come back. It seems like Midas never really did become a less scary king. He went around sucking people's souls out for food. Maybe there was some other threat that they needed his protection from, or maybe he'd become so powerful that they couldn't say no to him.
Curious that the Queen went into exile with Midas. Or did he and the Queen meet when Midas was still a donkey? That's kind of cute, it's like a twisted Beauty and the Beast. This is a rather pleasant image of that time, though I do think that the Butler is romanticizing here. I do wonder if the Queen knew that Black Swan was kidnapped. Then again, her memory was wiped from her time in the mirror, so not even she knew she was kidnapped.
In the ranger, warrior, alchemist and witch universes, Black Swan kills Midas before can leave his banishment. Does she kill the Queen too, or does she leave to swear her revenge? This is unknown, because the sequel takes place in the Mechanic universe, where Red and Jerry never came to jog Black Swan's memory. Or had Midas now met the Queen by the time Red and Jerry rolled in? This would conveniently explain why you can’t encounter the Queen in Diaries mode, and I’m sure it’s not just because the devs hadn’t conceived of the Queen back then.
Or the divergence point could be Midas. The Flag Bearer’s description seems to describe the beginning of the curse, started by…something? That Midas shot? Whatever he did, he had an immediate effect on the whole place. He was also transformed into a donkey right away, as opposed to other timelines where it’s described that his metamorphosis was slow, starting with his ears that he was able to hide under his hair. But then again the barber is still here, so I don’t know?
So the question is, what happened to Black Swan in the Mechanic universe? She is oddly absent in the present.
We also know that, in the Mechanic universe, the couple adopts another child, specifically because the Queen is unable to bear children. Maybe this is a side effect of really being a bird. I feel that he was adopted after Black Swan left, when they were feeling lonely and they missed having children around. I wonder if this kid was kidnapped, too? Seems like Midas wouldn't have to go through the trouble- this universe is chock full of orphans.
Oh yeah, the Scripture Priest's description totally supports my theory that the queen used her first wish to become human. I think the most interesting thing regarding the king is that he turned human and his sickness both started when the Forest Spirit disappeared. It seems somehow both his curse and his mortality are tied to the curse on the forest. I do like this, story wise. This idea that magic is an ecosystem in itself and when you suddenly remove one part, other organisms are going to react in unexpected ways.
Kind of like how the death of the Forest Spirit didn’t fix everything, also. I mean for one Jerry is dead. But the people who have been monsters are distrusted by the townsfolk and some never even turned back. The Priest is dead but the church is still up to its bullshit. It paints a more crapsack world than I was seeing before, where people in charge constantly twist the truth to hurt people.
When it came to Little Red Riding Hood’s minions, I was lowkey disappointed. It turns out she didn’t make a majority of these robots and they actually, I guess, fell from a floating country? And I find myself really not caring about King Jack or whatever, though there is one curious thing. And old wizard is the son of a survivor of the Kingdom of the Sky, but also it says that the enemy the Sky Ranger came directly from there. So then did this country fall recently, or generations ago?
Then again, Sky Ranger is very clearly modeled after Peter Pan, so maybe he’s unaging as well.
The Witch’s minions paint much of the same picture of a world where people are ostracized for having anything to do with or being suspected of magic, but with this added portrait of a found family of various creatures within the Witch’s cottage.
The Witch feels like the most queer coded character, what with her being tossed out by her father and taking in all these magical runaways. Sadly she is quite afraid of Little Red Riding Hood so it’s unlikely the two of them would be friends.
There is one other bit of exposition to be found in one of the Witch’s minion cards which kind of slots a lot of things into place as far as how magic works in this world.
So there is no such thing as white and black magic, magic just exists. I’m into that. But the second statement is especially interesting to me. The Witch longs to make friends with other humans, and is willing to go as far as to force magic on them to make them like her. I think she’s trying to create another witch. When the Pig Widow approached the witch looking for her husband, she said, “I have a better idea.” How ironic if the witch meant to give her magic powers so she could find her husband, but ended up transforming her instead.
This could also apply to Midas. It could be he was one of those humans whose body wasn’t able to handle magic, and when he tried to force it, his body’s only recourse was to turn into a donkey.
#notfm#notfm spoilers#night of the full moon#notfm lore#wishing night#the multiverse#I’m dying to know what a meeting between Red and the Queen would look like#She does look almost identical to the girl she called daughter after all#In a self serving way I’m into the Tin Man’s sequel#where he just kind of chills out and decides to stop being a douche#Gonna straight up ignore the Mech Magician’s sequel lol#I really like the Robbie I’ve developed#canon or no#I’ll update the tags on my fics tho#anyway thanks for coming to my TEDtalk
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i have never felt that anxious in my entire life
#ok so i went to the mall today#and my mom usually picks me up from the mall wnvr im there cuz she passes by the mall when shes coming home from work#but today her sched was running a lil later than usual so she wouldnt be able to get off of work til 8#so she told me to go home first using the Mall's Bus™#i have nvr used the mall's bus within the two years ive lived in the city mind u ^^^#and bcuuuuuuz of that#i spent an extra 2hrs waiting for the bus bcuz i didnt know there was#1: a ticket booth area (cuz usually most buses here pay on the bus)#and 2: a fucking line for first come first serve seats#which tbf i shouldve figured that out cuz there were literal signs but i wasnt thinking straight ok 🧍🏻♀️#so when its almost 8 im like "oh no what if my mom gets out of her meeting earlier than expected n that she's looking for me and im not hom#omg she might think i got kidnapped (there was a recent incident of#someone getting stabbed w a needle w drugs in the busier part of the city)#and i didnt want her to panic so i tried chatting her on messenger that im still at the mall waiting for the bus#and i was suuuper panicky so i ended up phrasing it like i wanted her to pick me up#and then i realized “i have no internet” cuz i forgot to buy cell data 🧍🏻♀️ and tht means i cant text her too#so i have to ask the girl next to me for her hotspot thingy so i can message my mom#and then she doesnt even *seen* my message bcuz she was probs still in her meeting#and then i realized im on 6% ?!?!!??! and the bus arrives ?!!?!?!?!? and i cant connect to the girl's hotspot cuz she alrdy turned it off#and alrdy got on the bus !?!?!?#and like 10 mins into the ride n then my phone vibrates and its my mom ?!?!?!?#she said she was on her way to the mall to pick me up ?!?!??!?!?!#and im trying to contact her but ?? my ?? chats ?? wont ?? go ?? thru ?? cuz i have no data ?!?!?!#AND to make things worse#i rmbrd that my BusFi teacher told me to retake the quiz i missed the other day online ?!?!?!#and she SPECIFICALLY mentioned itd be available for like the entire afternoon#but then i rmbrd that i was on my phone most of the time when i was in the mall but i didnt get any notifications for it tho ???#so im like “?!??!!?!? what do i do ?!?!?!?!”#and so thats the story of me dying on the Mall's Bus™#tfshouldirambles
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if gojo had to die at least give us a properly written scene lmao
#i truly dont mind if he’s dead (let’s face it he probably is) but this was one of if not the worst +#way to go about it#used to praise gege’s writing now look at us.. what happened#yuki got the same treatment it’s so unfair and straight up stupid to treat your strongest characters like this#what point does it serve? none#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen spoilers
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*every queer person, particularly black queer people and queer people who built and participated in the ballroom scene, simultaneously turn and stare into the camera like we're all on the fucking office*
#blatant queer erasure#im an aussie and sure “cunt” is definitely more casual over there and isnt as big a deal as elsewhere#but it absolutely was not australians who popularised the postive use of the word “cunt”#this is ONCE AGAIN queer vernacular being coopted by the fucking straights#“she looks cunt” and “shes serving cunt” and “its giving cunt” and even just “#“its like a cunty [X]” is 100% fucking black queer language and all yall are just glossing over that ONCE AGAIN#it was the same fucking thing with “slay” and “bitch” and “hunty”#happens all the goddamn time#this is BLACK QUEER LANGUAGE#SHUT UP#/rant
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With 特攻薬 and Accept My Love, I can confirm that there is something in the water that is specifically affecting the green haired princesses with a disorder and purple eyes and is making them spiral (Momochi and Hiyori)
#and they both served while having a mental breakdown in their respective songs#and them brushing off the very concerning issues like I don't know a lot of Jp but I'm pretty sure Momochi sounded very suicidal with the#lyrics and Hiyori straight up only has 1 purpose in her life (loving and protecting her dear family) but they don't need her anymore#Anyway when the teaser dropped Momochi the bitch was going “I think I was able to show a new side to myself pls give it a listen ><” while#blessing Cheers on twt (while ignoring the time she ominously tweeted that the time for dreams is over)#and Hiyori was like “Life isn't always fun sometimes you want to cry so you should look at me and copy me because I'm always smiling” like#girl are we going to pretend you didn't admit that you desperately tried to keep yourself smiling no matter what and that you were cutting#up your heart as well (and her basically saying “my life has no purpose im gonna kms if you don't use me”)#the funny thing is that Hiyori is (one of) my faves and I want her out of enstars while I hate Momochi (affectionately) and do not like#rejet so he can stay in Dearvo
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I'm on fucking FIRE this flight key what the hell. I don't think I've ever gotten so many compliments in like. my life time
#first of all. a passenger complimented my hair mid boarding service#and my hair didn't even look any different than the usual so. apparently I have pretty hair??#and then so many passengers kept complimenting our flight when leaving?!! saying we did a great job#again I did not do anything different. maybe I smiled a little more but that's just cause this crew is lovely#but I'm still exhausted and fatigued so I'm just. so surprised I'm still managing to do a good job???? hooray???#and then the pilots complimented our crew sinergy and said we working amazing together#and then the best part. listen to this.#a crew member who was an extra took BOTH MY HANDS into his as I was leaving and asked for my name#and said ''you did such an amazing job. you're a great flight attendant. I mean this''#I WAS SO TAKEN ABACK#I was trying to get out of there as fast as possible to not be on the way of the new crew and I could barely answer him#because my brain just short circuted#guys this wasn't just some casual compliment like haha good job hope you rest well#he talked like he was... observing me#in a good way#I don't even remember serving him so I think he was just. watching me smile a bunch#lol#it was crazy. I can't remember the last time I had validation like this#straight up don't know how to react tbh I kinda just wanna cry a bit#out of sheer confusion about me being able to be good at something#rambles*
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Make It Stick
Pairing: Old!Joel x Reader
Summary: Joel never thought he’d need a vasectomy. Then, one night, he accidentally finishes inside you.
Warnings: 18+. Unprotected-peepaw-p-in-v (I’m sorry). Accidental creampie. Age gap. Cumplay. Breeding kink. Ovulation has led me places I wouldn’t go with a gun.
Note: Convergence is a painting by Jackson Pollock. We studied it in high school and I thought it looked like jizz idk
Word count: 4.7k
Prequel | Part 1 | Part 2
He should’ve gotten snipped when he had the chance.
Should’ve taken the plunge, faced his fears of needles and fluorescent-washed doctor’s offices like any man his age could have done and gotten the damn vasectomy. Now he was here, nearly two decades older and still none the wiser in this cold, dead world with a pretty young thing like you between his sheets. In lieu of elective surgery, Joel Miller had only to grit his teeth, bite hard, and repeat over and over again in his head, desperate:
‘Don’t cum, don’t cum, don’t cum, don’t cum, DON’T—’
Words like those normally worked. With women that weren’t you, they tended to serve him exceedingly well.
But you were just so tight. And wet. And welcoming. And try as Joel might to pretend like he got laid on a regular basis, the truth was that he didn’t. Wouldn’t. Couldn’t seem to think straight when it came to this fixation he’d developed for you, so, instead, he let his dick do all the decision-making whenever he found himself around you. Ten times out of ten that ended in:
“J-J-Joel—oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck—I’m gonna CUM.”
And that made it worth every last life-endangering drop.
Feeling how your flushed, lithe body came apart beneath his touch. How you needed him. How your eyes grew to half the size of your face and you gaped up at the man, lips parted, like you couldn’t even comprehend how the friction of seven inches could make you feel so good.
If he had it his way, he would’ve loved nothing more than to show you that feeling every night, and twice the next morning if his hip wasn’t giving him too much trouble.
But, at present, the man had bigger fish to fry. Like not becoming a new father at fifty-nine if he could help it.
With the last two fluttering pulses of your heat, and almost going cross-eyed from the pleasure as he felt it, Joel yanked his big, slippery cock out of your body and made a fist around his member as he always knew to do. Tugged and pulled and grunted above you—‘Sweet girl, you’re so fuckin’ good to me’—and watched your tits and your belly for the milky white ropes to ensue.
Strangely, though, your skin stayed the same.
No cum-spray Convergence appeared before him, no opaque and cloudy fluids dribbling down your ribs, nothing. Your stomach was as bare as the rest of you, save for a few beads of sweat, and that was all there was.
Joel shook his dick harder, confused. Beneath him, you were still coming down from your high smiling ear-to-ear and staring blissfully at the ceiling. Your chest rose and fell, rose and fell in quick succession, and while you endeavored to recollect your mind, Joel was losing his.
Where the FUCK was his cum?
In no naked horizontal tango to date had Joel simply…cum without noticing. Shit like that just didn’t happen to men, least of all to ones his age, so when he’d wrung his poor cock like a sodden towel and still saw nothing come out, he felt his stomach turn and plummet inside him.
He dropped to his hands and knees in less than a moment and lowered his head between your legs.
“No, Joel!” you squealed, giggling. Kicking your feet, “Another round and I’m gonna combust, you old perv!”
But Joel wasn’t looking to get his dick wet again. He was inspecting you. Or trying to, anyway. Quickly realizing he couldn’t see a thing in the darkness, he let out a breath through his nose and lifted you off the bed. Your naked frame thrown over his shoulder, bare hip beside his head and your strangled, muffled cry of, ‘What the hell, Joel?!’ hardly seemed to register with the man carrying you off.
You were toted to the bathroom. Joel was about to ease you down on your feet. Then, appearing to change his mind at the last second, he set you onto the sink instead. Your skin bristled with indignation, anger. A little arousal.
“Last time we did it on a sink we broke the faucet,” you reminded him, feigning more dismay than you really felt inside. If anything, you liked it when your fossil-age fuckbuddy switched things up. You were just exhausted.
Heedless of your words, Joel kneeled on the floor and pried your legs apart before him. When you swatted at his silver-flecked head, he brushed your hand away.
“Hold still,” he grunted.
“How come?”
“‘Cause I said.”
How quickly he commanded that tone of a father.
“Wanna sleep,” you groaned, about to roll your eyes.
But you couldn’t deny you liked being doted on by him.
Joel’s touch was gentle. Probing. Spidering down the most sensitive parts of your bare lower half, between your thighs, and slowly coaxing you closer to the edge of the sink. Your breath hitched when you saw his head tilt.
He appeared to be deep in thought—a rare sight for anyone who’d seen Joel Miller in the postcoital state. Most every time he’d blown his load before, the man was dead asleep within ten minutes. His joints could barely hold himself upright after a half hour of plowing the back forty, much less carry you, too, so you were puzzled now.
He thumbed at the seam of your cunt, and you whined:
“Jo-el—”
“Can ya…push, baby?” His eyes flitted up quickly.
“Push?”
“Yeah, just…” With a look you couldn’t quite read, he placed the palm of his other hand on your belly. Then, pressing, “Like this. Like you’re squeezin’ somethin’ out.”
You cocked a brow in muted confusion but did as he asked. You watched his gaze, and it stayed on you.
Or, rather, on that soft and pliant spot between your legs the old man seemed to favor so much. On any other occasion, in a position like this, he surely would’ve been wearing a smile. Tonight, his lips curled into a grimace.
And twisted even further when you ‘pushed’ like you did.
At first you felt nothing. A gentle clench of your walls supplied little more than a sense of having been stretched—no novel concept to you, who’d spent the last three-and-a-half months or so getting fucked by the finest AARP affiliate alive most every night. It wasn’t until you clamped down again that you got the feeling there was something else. Something thick and warm and slow as molasses trickling out from between your folds.
You let out a low, tender, ‘Mmph’ without meaning to; it felt kind of nice. Beneath you, Joel’s face turned grave.
He watched as his spend oozed out of your freshly-fucked hole and thought of vasectomies again.
You were young—too young to know better. Too sweet and naïve to see any peril in spreading your legs for a man like him, in a world like this. And Joel swore he’d be careful. But no post-apocalyptic birth control method was perfect, or even close to it, and it was clear he’d relied too heavily on reflexes to keep him from cumming inside you. Joel was old—too old to be doing this shit.
Too grown and well-versed in sex to be making mistakes as stupid as that. His brow pinched in, and he drew his next breath as if the air around him was growing scarce.
“Joel, what’s—”
“When’s the last time you— you— uh…bled?”
Hardly more in control of his face than the rate his heart went thudding in his chest, Joel winced at the end. This time, you were the one to knit your eyebrows together. You could tell by that tight, discomfited tone he wasn’t talking papercuts, but were still unsure of his purpose.
“Like two, two and a half weeks ago. Why?”
Well, fuck.
Joel buried his face in his hands. You scooted closer to the sink’s edge, thinking little of his cum leaking out.
“Why?” you tried again. Softer this time.
An old, weathered head lifted to greet you. It was bleak.
“You see this?” Joel paused. Swiping his finger through the viscous white substance that had trickled out on the counter, in a puddle now, “Y’know what it means, right?”
You let his look, and the question, remain suspended in air for a second. Then another. Then you shrugged.
“Yeah. But…you’re old,” came your answer at length.
You’re old.
Joel and you both knew as much, but the former wasn’t quite following your train of thought. Still wanting to try and mitigate damages while he could, though, Joel reached for the roll of toilet paper that was fastened to the wall and tore himself a strip. He bunched it up and, reaching for one of your knees to spread you further for him, took to daubing the tissue across your entrance.
“What’s me bein’ old got to do with anything?” A little sharp, then, seeing you flinch when he drew too close to your clit, “‘m sorry, baby, just— gotta get this out of you.”
You made a face but let him continue anyway. Your eyes followed each movement of his hand, and reflexively, the muscles in your thighs tightened. Why bother with this when the man has so many better uses for his hands?
For a second, your eyes fluttered half-shut.
“Maria says old folks are, uh…infertile. Got something to do with a middle pause,” you said, breaths labored.
Joel stopped just long enough to shoot you a look.
“Menopause,” he corrected, all too matter-of-fact, before returning to his work, “is a woman thing.”
What the hell were they teaching in Jackson’s sex ed classes, anyway? Then Joel remembered how his brother sincerely believed that women peed out of their vaginas until he was twenty-three, and the thought of you not knowing the ins and outs of male virility wasn’t the most far-fetched idea in the universe. Besides, sexual health wasn’t exactly the community’s highest priority when the world around it was in a perpetual state of decay and hordes of fungus-faced fuckers ran rampant in the wild.
He curved a tender, careful finger against the ring of muscles framing your sex, trying to absorb more cum, and your grip on the edge of the countertop tightened.
“S-So, you—” You swallowed, throat constricting a little too, “You’re sayin’…men can make babies…whenever?”
You sounded so innocent as you said it. Joel wanted nothing more than to club himself over the head for being the cause of this predicament—of being such an instrumental part of the perceived corruption, as it was.
Meanwhile, your head was swimming in filthier thoughts.
Deeper, Joel, keep…pushing in…dee-e-per. You would have scarcely had more luck giving a fuck what Joel was talking about now than if he’d just said the room was on fire. By his voice, you knew you should’ve been paying attention, but the dexterity of his fingers was too much. He was caressing the first couple inches of your inner walls, attempting to scrape what bits of his release he could get unstuck from the flesh, but it seemed he was succeeding mostly in just turning you on. Rendering you deaf to the drone of his words as you pictured him pushing something else inside your tight, throbbing—
“—whole lotta problems for us if you’re, uh…ovulating,” Joel finished, expression taut and oblivious. You hadn’t heard the first part of that sentence and didn’t care to.
“Ovulating,” you repeated slowly. Indifferent.
Joel carried on without a hitch.
“Kids just ain’t fit for this world. I know you know that.”
You nodded along, not hearing a word.
“And if you’re— if y’ever did consider, maybe…”
Your lungs took an extra sharp inhale when Joel’s fingers coaxed out a warm, sticky glob of his load, and he petted your folds with his thumb. Then let out a breath himself.
“…y’oughta start a family with someone your own age—”
That part snagged your attention. Too swiftly, it came:
“My own age?”
Sighing, in spite of those welts of pleasure so heightened by his touch that the space between your legs began to throb and ache. Hardly possessed of more sense to form words that weren’t just echoes of his own, you tried communication from a simpler source—your foot.
You nudged his shoulder, and Joel looked up.
“What?”
“What?”
Parroting was, evidently, a hard habit to kill. Your toes curled into the bare skin of Joel’s shoulder, and when he re-inserted his finger, you ground your heel even deeper.
“When’s that ev…ever stopped us from doing it before, hm?” you said, tone strained but laced with some humor too, “Thought you liked sayin’ you’d make me a mama.”
Joel’s face flooded pink at the recollection—as a matter of fact, there had been several such memories. Instead of answering immediately, he just averted his gaze again. He anchored one hand to your thigh, and with the other teased out another string of your shared arousal before wiping his finger on the tissue, clinically, and repeating. All he had to offer in reply after was: ‘That’s different.’
And it was, to some extent. Joel wasn’t blind to the sea of uneasy looks that trailed behind you both whenever you walked the streets of Jackson together. How wide the eyes would get when instead of observing some filial display of affection play out before them, as expected, you’d loop your arms around his waist and take his lip between your teeth as you kissed—‘Can we please go home now, baby?’—that Joel was certain he’d been cemented as the resident pervert among everyone in town. Just how much worse that reputation was liable to get if there ever happened to be a round and swollen belly between that embrace someday was unthinkable. Dirty talk was one thing; parenthood another entirely.
This is for the best, became the low, grating refrain in his skull. Why he dug so hard, pushed so far inside the wet, velvety interior of your body without a thought for his own desires in that moment; he had to cull every trace of himself out of there, before he had half a chance to think.
“Baby, hey, hey, no—” Joel cut in a second later, abrupt.
No, no, no. You weren’t thinking either. Wrapping your hand around his wrist, pushing his fingers deeper inside.
Smiling a little, too.
“What are you— no, honey, don’t— you can’t,” Joel’s words splintered in every direction, watching you plunge his own index and middle fingers into the slick and the warmth he’d just been trying to get his cum out of. He looked up and saw your lids were heavy, about to close.
“What are you doin’? This ain’t…no, baby, it ain’t…safe.”
Back to sounding like a dad in no time at all.
“What’s wrong with leaving it in a bit longer? Feels nice.”
You had no idea what you were talking about. Joel pulled back on his hand and, in less than a second, had it freed.
“I just told you,” he huffed, “You’re too young—”
“I’m plenty old, Joel,” you returned, eyes snapping open, “You’ve shown me that more times than I can count.”
Joel was silent, stunned. He rose to his feet as your eyes seared holes into his, and for a second, he was uncertain whether to take a step back or reach out for you again.
“Baby…”
To his surprise, something like hurt surfaced behind your eyes. You set your lips in a tighter line, and your grip on the counter grew firmer just the same. He would’ve taken that move as his cue to lean in gently, slot his body between your thighs, and venture an apology of some sort, when the next thing you did stopped him cold.
Without a word, you slipped your free hand between your legs—eyeing Joel closely, almost scornfully, as you did.
You took your middle and ring fingers and sank them into your cunt. Not intending to let a drop of his spend leak out, you wedged them in as far as they’d go. Joel watched. Gawked. Once sufficiently pleased with the look of shock taking over his handsome, aged features, you withdrew the fingers. You brought them up to your mouth, wrapped your lips around the tips, and sucked.
It was a rare thing to get a taste of you and Joel together like this, so you savored it. You moved your mouth further down to drink it all in, peering up with wide, indulgent eyes and a look that was meant to punish.
Feels nice.
Tastes alright, too.
You’d licked the last bit of this glaze off your hand when your stomach clenched. You knew it would happen. Full as you were, you feared your body still hungered for more. As such, it hardly came as a surprise when next your muscles tensed, and you shifted closer to Joel.
“Maybe I don’t want babies with someone my own age.”
Either one of your knees were nudging his hips. Drawing him in. Joel appeared to waver for a second, unsure, but the look on his face made it clear this was mostly a matter of a delayed reaction. He couldn’t get his legs to move because the rest of him was still in awe. Staring at your lips, where the residue of his spend was glistening, then to your eyes, which were no less inviting, then up to the crown of your head and over it, to fix his stare on the mirror behind it. You watched him watch his own reflection with a look that was both hard and unkind, breathing slow. When he didn’t stir from that position after a minute, you touched a hand to his lower stomach.
And, brushing the heel of your palm against what felt like a hundred grey hairs in the old man’s happy trail—your favorite ones—you smoothed a caress along his belly, back and forth, before moving it left. Your hand came to rest on a mound of muscle and fat sitting right above his hip. Love handles, Joel had remarked one morning with vague distaste. Love handles, you’d repeated, beaming. You held on tightly now, appreciatively, and used your well-loved wall of flesh to pull him closer. As with any beckoning of yours, Joel didn’t have so much as half a mind to resist. He did, however, refuse to meet your gaze while you tilted your hips and spread your legs wider, before winding your ankles around the backs of his legs.
“Don’t you think I’d look pretty?” You pouted up at him. Your folds made a light, warm suction rubbing along the front of Joel’s cock—of course he’d grown hard again, and you could hold him, point him down to that wet embrace awaiting him patiently at the edge of the sink.
Joel cursed under his breath.
“‘Course I do…” he said, voice hoarse, “Y’always look—”
“I mean…with your baby inside me, Joel. Right here.”
As if to put a finer point on your words, you nestled the head of his cock inside the first inch of your body. Joel had to seize the laminate underneath you and grit his teeth to keep from letting out a groan too loud. That tip may as well have been a first-rate conductor of heat, and your warmth the thing that might send him spilling again
“You don’t—” Joel choked out, nearly incensed, “—don’t know what the hell you’re sayin’, baby. What that means.”
In truth, there wasn’t a world Joel Miller could imagine where a girl like you could give more than a passing thought to getting knocked up by him—a man his age. What good would it do? You had your whole life laid out before you like a four-course dinner spread; there was no sense whatsoever in letting the meal go to waste on him.
He communicated as much by moving to pull out.
You met the effort with a push of your own, sinking down another inch or two on his shaft and smiling when you saw his eyes roll back in his head at the dizzying friction.
“I know more than enough, old man—” Grin stretching ear-to-ear as you dug your heels in his ass and tugged him deeper, “—who do you think taught me all this?”
Of course, it had been Joel.
Always, always him—the only one, in fact.
Your walls drew him in like a hug. For once, Joel conjured up the strength to take a look between your lower half and his, and when he did, the next moan was inevitable. It trickled through his lips. Your body looked sublime swallowing a third of his cock, and it was almost as though a maggot had crawled into his brain, chanting:
‘Make her full. Make her yours. Tell any man who’d even think of looking her way she belongs to someone else.’
He couldn’t.
Joel would never be so selfish. Just think of her youth.
But when his gaze drifted back to yours, every thought and any word besides seemed gently to melt away. Beneath him, your eyes were two pools of desire.
“You like this…don’t you, Joel?” Your voice was tiny.
“I do.”
In fact, he loved it.
“Then why can’t we?” Why shouldn’t we?
Minuscule now, the words that reached him barely exceeded a whisper. It was as though the moment itself had drained all fear from your face—and out of Joel, all common sense from his brain—leaving you both to stare at the other with shared, stupid, anoetic looks of bliss. The man who had you beat by thirty-odd years seemed nearly of the same mind, with almost identical ignorance.
Idiocy.
“Just once?” Joel croaked.
Somewhere underneath, unseen, you smiled.
“Just one?” you murmured back.
He sank in another inch. When your walls contracted around him, Joel’s hands found your hips by force of habit and pushed your back against the glass behind it. The mirror was cool, and inside you, Joel was throbbing.
“Once,” he repeated, not thinking too deeply.
“One,” you said, with a world of more purpose.
Joel relinquished the last three inches, and with it, all of his resolve. The handsome, scarred, and plainly greying features all twisted as one, and the expression that you knew too well to mean that the man was feeling good took on the slightest hint of guilt. He gripped you tighter.
“One?” Joel panted. Confused.
He pulled out halfway just to find his home again. Your pearly slick mixed together with his spend, and both coated over Joel’s shaft in a pretty, generous sheen.
“One more of you, I mean.” You sounded too sweet. There was no way in hell you’d actually meant it.
Joel’s cheeks flushed again, but he didn’t stop, either.
“Baby…” he trailed off instead. He pushed in, pulled out, felt your tender little hole make an ‘o’ around his shaft, and then he kissed the edge of your left cheek—maybe to rein in the need in his words before he spoke again: “One’a me takes and I’m givin’ ya fifteen more, y’hear?”
The smile he received told him as much as he needed to hear. He probably wouldn’t have believed it even if you’d said the words yourself. Joel’s thrusts sped up, and as the pleasure distended in the pit of his stomach with the friction and the feel, his words flowed a little more freely.
In disbelief, “Wanna be a mama that bad for me, huh?”
Your grin grew bigger. You nodded your head.
“Make your old man a daddy, is that it?”
Exactly. Senseless as it was, your look said it all.
To have slipped between the grooves and ridges of Joel’s brain and caught wind of even a fraction of the things he wanted to do to you then, a smarter girl would have run. Would have shoved him back out as swiftly as she’d let him in and told him no, that’s gross, and gone home. And, had the grey matter floating inside your own skull not been so completely dominated by primal need and wanting, that’s likely what you would have done, too. Instead, with a head full of lewd, youthful stupidity, you seized the black-grey curls dangling at the nape of his neck and drew him closer. You spread your legs wider.
“That is what you’ve wanted this whole time, right?”
Under his scruff, a muscle tensed as Joel bit down.
That’s all he’s ever wanted.
Let the neighbors talk.
Let them say what they wanted to say—it was probably all true to the point they were trying to make, anyway. That Joel was a pervert, of course. That you were naïve, also true. That you would look too good not to stare in a white cotton frock with a bump underneath, absolutely. These were the ideas permeating your brain and his while Joel took a firmer hold of your sides and brought his nose to rest against yours. With every stab of his hips, he pressed kisses to your soft, parted lips, speaking low:
“That what you want, too, darlin’?” More serious now.
The head of his cock nicked a sensitive ridge inside you, eliciting a whimper, but you nodded. You nodded again, feeling the brush of his stubble at your mouth and your chin, and nodded again when he bottomed out, stuffing you tight. It felt a little more momentous than any other time in the past, now that you were picturing a fullness that wasn’t just him. Him and you: a concrete being to soothe the sting of his absence long after Joel withdrew.
Something to stick.
“Please say it, baby.”
Someone to call yours.
“I want it,” you said, sounding desperate.
A coil was just starting to form in the place you felt him. Drifting up, pulling tight, making your eyes go glossy and wide while they stuck to Joel’s and begged him for more.
“Want what?” He sped up, and his thrusts got sloppy.
“Want you,” you breathed, “Inside me, Joel, please.”
As if predicting your next thoughts, the man lowered his hand to your belly. You hadn’t even noticed the smallest bulge had taken shape beneath the skin. Joel slowed, momentarily, then rubbed the base of his palm against the mound where your body was obliged to make room for his cock inside you. He drew soft, tender circles there and, with the motion, sent stars flying before your eyes.
“Good girl,” he murmured, “Right here?”
“Ri— right there. Right there.”
Joel adored that sound. The soft, elated look, the gentle knoll of flesh in a bump below his hand, the whimpers rolling off your tongue repeatedly, quicker and quicker the more the pleasure inside you continued to build. Joel’s release was coming soon, too. For the hundredth time that night, he silently wished he were a little younger; so he could fill you up once, twice, twenty more times until your insides were stuffed and painted white. As if reading his mind, as he had for you, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.
“Hope our baby has your eyes,” you murmured to him.
It shouldn’t have had such a strong effect—but of course, it did. Joel pictured the small, sweet infant with irises that shone a bit like his, and his stomach caved in.
Tonight, tomorrow, or ten months down the line, he was getting you pregnant. He’d clear his whole schedule for it
“That right?” And now he couldn’t stop the smile as he spoke, leaning even further in, “What about their nose?”
He kissed the tip of yours.
“Hope they get this.”
He kissed either one of your cheeks.
“These too.”
You had to fight back a laugh while his scruff tickled skin. Two deep strokes away from the brink of release and he still somehow always stayed in tune with your needs.
The threat of your peak was perilously near. Joel’s spend and your slick, tender glaze made a chorus of sounds at each thrust, and the deeper he went, the bigger it swelled. Your smiles couldn’t stay for much longer when the feeling inside you both was being amplified like that. Sensing this, Joel took hold of your face and slipped his touch to cup your chin. He made you tilt your head up to him, as if to ask again, ‘Are you sure?’ and when you nodded, his lips twitched again. A fleeting hint of a grin, like he couldn’t be more eager to finish now if he tried.
Holding your face, cock swollen and throbbing and desperate between your walls, he felt a familiar twitch.
There it is.
#IN CONCLUSION……….WE MAKIN BABIES#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller imagine#joel miller one shot#joel miller#joel miller tlou#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfiction#joel tlou#the last of us fic
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